Originally published in Soompi Forum: [Drama 2014] jTBC – Secret Love Affair 밀회, Septemeber 17, 2014.
Author: @shamrockmom
My Sin
The sun is setting as I make my way home from work on the freeway. Even though it’s after 6pm, it’s still over 90F and the heat is relentless. My sons have sent me text messages today at work—Mom, I need more Gatorade, I’m out– and –Mom, I’m out of Chapstick again, can you pick some up tonight?– Ah, geez, a Mother’s struggle. These boys always need something. I head to the 99 cent store, since it’s on my way to someplace else (I need to pick up my son’s buddy at his work.) I park my car in the trash-strewn lot and take my reusable bags. I find one of the least battered looking purple carts, and start my shopping trip.
I pick up the Gatorade in all the colors my son likes: electric blue, neon yellow, bright red, and I wonder if he likes those colors because he too is Obsessive-Compulsive like Jang Jae-Yeol in It’s OK that’s Love. That must be it, I think. My next stop is the aisle where the Chapsticks are. I look for the twin pack. My oldest son constantly leaves them in his shirt pockets and they go through the wash, so buying just one chapstick for him is a losing business. As I reach for the twin pack—I see it. Yes, the brown plaid handkerchief, there on the shelf, looking just like the one Hye Won gave to Seon Jae in Episode 10. I’ve seen it here before, but I’ve only looked at it longingly. I have thought about buying it to add to my K-drama trinket collection, but I’ve never had the fortitude. Tonight, I am brave. I actually pick up the package and hold it in my hand. Surprisingly, it doesn’t feel weird or strange…it’s only 99 cents…and there is a nice white virginal looking handkerchief in the package with it…hmm, it should be okay to get it. I look around the aisle, there is no one around. I feel like I am living a dark and dangerous dream, as I put it in the cart with the Chapsticks and Gatorades and make my way to the cash register.
While I’m in line, I look around furtively. Everyone in line seems preoccupied, no one is paying any attention to me. Good thing no one here watches K-drama’s, otherwise somebody would say something to me, especially if they could see the Angel Eyes whistle that is still dangling from my purse. (I dread the day that I go to H-Mart to buy the seaweed snacks I crave and get outed for being a 15 year old fangirl) The cashier is similarly disinterested in my purchases, and my heart begins to race. I’m going to have a brown plaid handkerchief of my own very soon!
On my way out of the store, I open the package and take out the handkerchiefs and put them in my purse; the package goes into the trashcan at the front of the store. It will be easier to hide my sin if there’s no package in the trash at home. I put all the shopping bags in the car and get back on the freeway; hopefully the classical music radio station from Seohan West (aka USC) will play something good to take my mind off what I’ve just done.
I pick up my son’s buddy and take him home. Our conversation distracts me from thinking about the sinful thing I have just bought, now buried in my purse.
When I get home, the house is hot and dark. Could my boys not have left a light on for me? Aish! But then, to my great joy, I realize the house is empty—one son is at school, the other is at work. I have peace, at least for a moment. I open my purse and take out the brown plaid handkerchief. As I look at it, I wonder…is this really the same plaid pattern as the one in the show? It’s close; I gotta get my new computer with the HD connection hooked up to know for sure. I unfold it slowly, and it’s truly a 99 cent store handkerchief, the thread count must be 60, maybe 70 per square inch. It’s very rough…not soft at all….Seon Jae wouldn’t like it, he would want it to be soft like his t-shirts, but Hye Won probably washed it a bunch of times before she gave it to him, so it would definitely be soft. And it would smell good too, like her hand lotion or perfume. My hand shakes as I hold it close to my face. I breathe in..hmm, doesn’t smell like anything…but if I washed it….it would smell like Tide and Downy, and that would be a good start. I will put it in the wash later.
Then I get another weird thought…I should put the handkerchief on top of my piano and see what it looks like there. Oh, no. That would be too much. The brutal heat and humidity tonight makes me weak. I walk over and put the handkerchief on top of the piano. To my great relief, it doesn’t look the same as when Seon Jae had it resting on top of that black grand piano during the concert at Seohan. Still, I feel very strange as I look at it. The fans in my house are blowing the hot air around and I wonder if I’m going to go to an equally hot place for what I am about to do next. I reach for my cell phone and take a picture of the handkerchief on the piano, forever documenting my sin. Truly, I have sunk to the bottom with this. My Secret Love Affair addiction has overtaken my brain. I feel guilty and ashamed. Only my friends on the Soompi forums and the few brave souls who read my SLA Fan Fiction on the Piano Conversations blog would understand me now. If they were here with me tonight, they would comfort me with their LOL’s, and not call the mental health authorities. Maybe they would even share their goofy SLA stories too, and I wouldn’t feel so alone.
I take the handkerchief from the piano, and I decide that after I wash it a few times, I will put it in my purse. I have an extra plastic case for my sunglasses; I can put the handkerchief in there, and no one will ever know. It will be my secret, a little trinket I can carry around with me, and take out and look at in my most private moments. It will remind me of all the crazy things I’ve done, and more importantly, all the amazing things that have happened in my life since I started watching Secret Love Affair.
밀회 PIANO CONVERSATIONS 